First glimpse of Stardred

http://darklinggames.blogspot.com/2016/12/stardred-first-glimpse.html

New look

Thought I would try out a new look for the blog, and a quick costume change for mini me.  Wait... I guess big me is a mini me too.  Huh?

After a tough year I got into regular swimming and am now one of those annoying skinnier and fit-ish kinda persons- so I coud slip into something a little more Amazona Gothique.  I am so not ready for a giant bleached back comb do, so I settled with my current hair style.

She is rough, when I have time I will paint her up properly full scale- but I couldn't resist a little refresh.

Now, how the hell do I walk in those heels?

Darkling Games is Live!

I am stoked to announce that Darkling Games is back in business and the doors have just opened on my new (temporary) website.  You can buy one of the massive range of 2 products!  Woot.

Also the banner blinks if you wait.  Trust me.  :)

Click the banner above to head over to Darkling Games

Darkling Games minis available now

Looky, looky!  Laney has been hard at work getting her oldschool shit together!

DARKLING GAMES IS NOW LIVE!

A sharper, sassier new logo, funkier text and my new name. Because branding isn't just for kinksters.

First up, an oldy but a goodie- The Chaos Dwerg are back!  All 17 dark dwarves available as a starter boxed set- but you get a limited edition Hoglet thrown in while the mold lasts (then he is gone for good).  Hardcore collectors note: the next recasting will feature integral D-bases instead of slottas, and a couple of minor changes to make pulling the mould easier for Nic.  Bless him.

The box set is AUD$150 for all 17 figures +pp.

Next up, Spelltoads!  21 figures for your old school boardgaming pleasure.  As retweeeeeeted by Gary Chalk (no, I am still not over that).  AUD$60 for all 21 minis.

And finally, yes- next year the kickstarter will go down for expanding the range by another 21 figures.  Zulu toad is my fave.

Head to my DARKLING GAMES site to order!

Casting and postage will occur after Xmas break!  

Yaaaaaaaay!!!

Thank you and excitementage

Thank you to all you who have generously donated and/or signed up for my Patreon!

Obviously I still need to get a camera set up before I can begin video tutes, but the first of the reward 'Eavy Mental tutorial PDFs are on the laptop and the brand new floorplans are slated for January for my playtester tier rewards.

Twitter has been going off!  It has been a fantastic way to connect to more oldhammer fans.  I have the honor of a few follows from Citadel designers, comic book authors, artists and game designers I love.  Fun times.  Follow me on @delaneykingrox - but beware it can get pretty darn rude, with lots of feminism, lesbianism and Buffy stuff. What?  I have diverse interests.

Everything in this cafe tastes like chicken grease.  Even the drink water.  Just thought I would let you know this.

So another AWESOME thing is I have been invited to be part of the Heroquest Blog Challenge. I have been assigned one of the Orcs, and judging by the standard of entry so far- this girl is gonna have to up her game.  Conversions are discouraged, but it's ME.  I may have to go cold turkey.  Wish me luck.  Post will appear right here folks!

Thanks for all the leadLove and PsychostyreneSupport!  Love ya guts.

Skylands of Skulldred

It's a lovely warm sunny day in Melbourne, and the flea markets are in bloom, filled with young beautiful pixie manic dreamgirls of Brunswick selling their hipster wares.  I found a box of Skylander figures for sale at a whopping $9.  Not each.  For the box.  Yes.  The box.

 I rebased them for Skulldred Skirmish rules using left over GW bases from the big packs they sell, dollar store poker chips and MDF coasters from the craft store.  I glue cork down which I reinforce in areas by stabbing with a pin and pouring a little superglue into them.  They go rock hard allowing heavier figures to be pinned securely.

One mechanical critter became a junk yard scenery feature, using bits left over from the cracked off bases.  For my effort, I now have a lovely blister from my on my thumb from my tin snips.  Naturally I cooked with chilli powder tonight.  Yes.  I am a doofus.  I don't mind the pain though- I asked out a crush of mine last night and she said yes!  Honestly I could nail my foot to the floor today and still be grinning.

The Skylander material is the same as prepainted DnD minis- so I know dettol isn't gonna shift the paint they use.  A light sand with wet and dry paper to take off the worst shine off the larger areas and a quick coating or two from a grey spray enamel rattlecan will do the trick nicely.

Once primed, I will have a better idea what needs filling or resculpting.  I will use pure greenstuff so that it can flex with the rubbery models.  I will also decorate the bases after the conversion work is done.

Because Skulldred uses a 'match your profile to your minis' points system, you can turn anything into a playable model for it.  You can also shift the scale easily for larger figures like dollar store toys or action figures.  This makes it great for getting your kids into gaming.

Got a lot of orders to fill this week, so probably won't be finishing any of them just yet.  Darkling is really taking off again and so I have a website AND new releases to sculpt.

I would say it sucks to be me, but you should see this girl!  She is not only adorable but a fantasy artist too.  Laney is a happy camper right now.  My heads in the sky lands.

We're Baaa-aaack

Today I am launching the Spelltoads of Skulldred boxed set from Darkling Games. I am now taking orders via email/paypal until my webstore is up and running again.

The set contains 9 character spelltoads:

Armoured toad.   Wizard.   Rogue/theif.

Vampire.      Tim.      Spy/witchhunter.

Futureballer.  Star pirate.  Zombie.

The set also contains 2 each of the nekkid Pete, Delmar and Everett toads, as well as six tiny Garp toads- ideal for decorating bases, using as familliars and for 15mm HOTT toad spells.

The whole set is cast in classic lead based pewter for that delightful old school heft, by master caster Nic Robson.  Sculpted by Delaney King.

Models supplied unpainted without bases. Shipped in padded bag.

To order yours, send me an email at...

Delaneykingrox&@frogsgmail.frogcom (but delete the words 'frog' from here- toads are not frogs after all).

Price is a bargain at only AUD $60 for the entire set plus postage and packaging (PayPal only).  That's all 15 Spelltoads and 6 toads.

At this time I cannot sell individual minis- this is a one mould spin per set deal (I don't have warehouse space at the moment)

!!!Warning: metal miniatures are not toys and are not suitable for children. Harmful if chewed or swallowed. !!!

Website up soon!

An open letter to Rick Priestly and John Lambshead

Just got handed this gem by DiceBag Lady at Badsquidso games.

It's an excerpt from "Tabletop Wargames – A Designers’ and Writers’ Handbook".

Speaking personally as someone who er 'transmogrified' from a David into a Delaney, all I can say to Rick Priestly and John Lambshead is this.

Fuck you.

Fuck you from the bottom of my heart.  Fuck you and your transphobic, misogynistic, bigoted little brains.  You should be ashamed of yourselves.  You behaviour here towards women gamers, towards transwomen and (for some reason moreso) to transmen is a stain on our hobby.  You want to take responsibility for the damage you cause people like me?  For all the hurt and humiliation that spreading drivel like this to the community causes us.  Trans people are murdered, are attacked and driven to suicide by people who read material like this and think we are a joke- in your words 'unsettling'.

Transphobia aside, the misogyny here is disgusting.  You wonder why men treat women gamers poorly that we leave the hobby?  Do you even think for a minute about what our experiences are like attempting to engage the hobby?  This is what is waiting for us.

Oh and this gem...

'It?' Seriously, you think that is okay to call someone non binary?  Like, I dunno... intersex people like myself?  Am I an 'it' to you?  An 'unsettling' 'it' perhaps?

Pull this book, revise it and clean up your fucking act.

Our hobby deserves to be better than this.

UPDATE:  and a response?  Hmmm...

And then...

John is currently being called out by other women gamers right now.  His responses, I am told, are disgusting and childish. However he has blocked me, so I will just have to imagine.

I hope Rick carries himself with more dignity.

Ged too da choppah

Twenty Cadians for a buck each?  Why yes, bargain bin at Mind Games Melbourne, that will be lovely.  The paint jobs are game ready- but naturally I will wanna do my own thang.

If it bleeds we can repaint it!  Ged too da dettol!  It's nodda toomah.

Hey did you realise Arnie's daughter in Tru Lies was none other than Eliza Dushku- star of Dollhouse and Faith from Buffy?  Oh yes.  And I plan to marry her one day (if I can just turn her gay first and get her to move me to Boston).

Unfortunately, like my unrealistic nuptial expectations, I don't have time to fix these minis up just yet- other projects must be finished- but hey, nice little nabaroonie.

Probably will do them up as martian guards to fight my Chaos Cultists in Necromunda style action.  And no doubt covert them a fair bit, because it's me.

Gearing up for new site

Welp, I have been a busy grrrl today, cranking away on a new branding for a new website that will crunch together my worlds into one.

 The new site will pull all my bloggy shit together into one place.  You will be able to check out my art, download game stuff, watch video tutorials and get hold of my new merch!

To help fund this, I am set to re-release Darkling Miniatures Dwerg Warband and release the Amulet Spelltoads boxed set (no single packs yet) as part of this.  About time huh?

Today was about rebuilding all the old Darkling logos in high print res from the shitty little web ones- since they where all lost in The Disaster (tm), tomorrow I should have new Kingsminis branding and logos done. I want a Della Chaos Paint Knight logo T shirt, dammit!

Remember folks- the goal is a new camera so I can take crisp, sexy shots of all my minis- and make tutorials for you to enjoy.  Oh, and to keep me alive.  I like being alive- it has miniatures in it.

Thanks for all the support so far!

Patreonize my old school ass

My Patreon is LAUNCHED!

https://www.patreon.com/darkling

Free Tutorial vids are going to be monthly to begin, with additional tutorials added when it becomes possible through funding.  

Rewards include win a painted mini draw as well as PDF versions in the style of my previous 'eavy Lead articles and access to my games playtest PDFs (starting with 33mm square floorplan dungeon tiles)

When I have enough of the PDF articles, the whole lot will be collated into a compendium- available in December for free if you are a patron, or pay per pdf download or you can buy the print on demand hardcopy.

Once I can relaunch my Darkling minis site, supporters will also gain access to casts of the minis and components I make during tutorials.  I may release these some limited editions as a bonus teir.

Redbubble merch will be available later.

All this will keep me alive and making cool shit for you lovely (and obviously physically attractive if you donate) grognards.

Basically, I can't find work here in Melbourne so I am damn well making some.  Because I am a tough bitch and like to earn my keep!

I am gonna cut promo videos for kickstarter to upgrade my gear in stages.  I can't get it all sorted right away methinks.

Thanks for supporting me!  You really, really nice people you.   X

P.s not-talisman toads and bederken dwerg boxed sets will be available again shortly.  XXX

MONEYYYYYYYY

Buggering about with Bugbears

Here is a work in progress of my Reaper Bone's bugbear leader.  About three quarters done methinks.  How do I know he is a leader?  Because he is pointing.  It's a fantasy wargaming trope.

It's amazing the difference good lights can make to your work.  The first bugbear I painted at ther start of this year is dreadful in comparison.  He shall be repainted to match.  I have four of the Reaper bearbuggerers, originally purchased for my Arcade Demo of Skulldred.  Feeling virtuous by finishing them up.

So I figured out what I am doing with that uninspiring troll mini I purchased on a whim.  He is now gonna be a dire bugbear.  Shhhh they exist in my world.

So I started layering up the fur.  I will drill and pin some ears onto him once that is dry.  The trick to good fur is lube.  I use vasolene but KY jelly will work nicely too.  Apparently nose or forehead skin oils work too, according to Kev White.  I remain... strangely grossed out by that.

Apply the putty firmly and smooth it in, then shape it to give it the right general bulk.  Once that is good, grease it up like Groundskeeper Willie.  Drag your tool in downward wiggly strokes, tugging upwards slightly to create each layer.

Hey, I shall do a video tute about it soon (nudge nudge wink wink).

See previous post about VIDEO TUTES!

Do you want Video Tutorials?

Question.  How would you like to see video tutorials from yours truely?  How about everything miniatures from painting, restoring, repairs, sculpting, converting, adding spikey bitz, making scenery, throwing axes at fruit, basing and rebasing for eternity, how to ask girls out, interviews and the finer points of blending and tinting?

All done whilst swearing, attempts at dark comedy and no doubt bitching in a bitchy manner like a lil bitch in magical bitch heat about bitchy stuff?

Fuck it, I will throw in some sock puppets too.  You know I will.

So here is the deal- to unlock all this EPIC GLORY I need a good HD webcam, mike stand for pointing said cam at minis, better lights so you can see said minis and editing software so I can edit said footage.  That's what she said.

So what are your thoughts?  Kickstart?  Ongoing patreon?  Anyone want to sponsor this with in-video ads for their wargaming products?  Anyone got a top notch webcam they can donate?

Put your thoughts on the best way to go about all this in the comments below.  You know you want to.  Go on.  Be a devil.

Surfactant, mother f*#%er

Let's talk Windex.  No, not the cocktail (recipe to follow)- the blue window cleaning fluid.  It is an important part of my mini painting toolbag.  If it sounds like I am I am gonna lay some bizarre tips on you, you bet your ass.

Windex contains a whole cocktail of useful ingredients for acrylic painting.  It is a detergent, surfectant and... dammit, here is the cocktail recipe- get yourself a glass and drink up whilst we discuss mini painting...

• 1 ounce blue curacao
• 1 ounce triple sec
• 1 ounce vodka
• 1/2 ounce lime juice
• 
  

Okay, so we good now?  Right... now the windex you *shouldn't* drink.

Spray some Windex cleaner into your paint water.  It will dissolve acrylic on your brushes, stopping them clogging and keeping them clean.  Secondly, it will act as a flow aid- making your paint slide off the brush and onto your model- great for fine detailing.

Windex in your wet palette will help keep mould at bay- especially if paired with bottled demineralized water rather than tap water.  Less stinky and again, flow aid properties added.

Windex will clean your brushes and bring life back to your dead ones.  Dilute about fifty fifty and rub the brush in the palm of your hand- et voila.  Better than brush CPR- which just gets your lips dirty.

Windex can be used to speed up layered glazes (aka juicing). The isopropyl evaporates quickly, and the blue dye too- leaving a streak free glaze.  By the time you have glazed all around your model, the front is dry - so you can use thin glazes and build up gradually but quickly.

The effect windex has on acrylic is that it dilutes it, weakening the bonds, which rebond again apparently just as strongly as it evaporates.  Airbrush artists have used windex as a dilutant for years- it has the same active ingredients as professional air brush thinner- and smells the same.  I am told it does eventually gnaw your airbrush out- but meh, I am a brush kinda gal anyway.

(Sips Windex Martini)

However, all this means no brush licking for you.  I would also make sure your hobby area is well ventilated anyway, but imma gonna waggle my finger at you if it isn't already.  I bet your the kinda dumb ass that sands resin or applies static grass without a mask, or votes Trump right?  Dumb ass.

(Sips Windex Martini again)

If you use tube paints, windex water will turn them from a gel into something you are more familliar with quickly, without over diluting.  You don't want too much water added as it will make the paint translucent.  Translucent and pastey is not a great mix- outside of Nurgle minis.  Windex water will make it smooth and even with only a small amount.

Back when I had a studio, I kept a Reaper dropper bottle full of 1:3 windex-demineralized water on my desk.  Handy little bastard.  I called it Windy.  Windy Handybastard.  Maybe you should too.

Drink responsibility you salty sea dogs.  See you next episode.

Reaper Haul Progress

My friend Esther invited me around her pad for a painting session, and I got cranking on my Reaper Bones haul from PAXaus whilst she tortured me by playing Ouran High School Host's Club.  Just... don't ask, you don't want to go down that rabbit hole.

  My goal was to knock out table quality minis for an upcoming Pathfinder game so my elf rogue Ehzarelle took priority.  A few figures came along for the ride.

For me, table ready means 'looks okay from three feet'- which lends itself to exaggeration and bright, crisp edging and bold colors.

I painted Ehzarelle's skin tone more Drowish because in my mind elves are fae creatures and can be weird colors.  The gnarled tree on her base is naught but twisted tissue paper set with superglue and a little scatter.  Great for roots and fallen tree details.  The stale water on her base will be given a coat of modge podge to make it really glossy.

The dwarf and guard are also first pass.  They, along with the lizard man where all free 'paint and take' minis.  Woot for the loot!

When doing table ready, focus on 'good enough' rather than obsessing.  Hold the model at arms length every few minutes to check your work.

For quick game ready models I suggest painting all the flat colors before shading- it means you can hit the model with brown washes that work on belts, metal, padding, skin, fabric and so forth in one go.  A few black washes in eye sockets, armor and around joints can help.  If you are shit at picking out edges- go the other way, start painting the part the highlight color then shade down the middle of the parts- leaving the edges bare.  Far easier.

That's it from me tonight folks.  I have a lot of minis to catch up on.  Should be a productive few weeks.

Senpai notice me!

Sesh of squeee

My flatmate (who, on a side note is the singer of Aussie band battle winner Party On My Darling) is off on adventures, so I have spread my mini stuff over the kitchen table in an orgy of wanton hobbying.  I am delirious with glee (or possibly fumes).

All my Reaper spoils have been based up and primed, and I am looking forward to getting all painty up in their grill.  Whatever that means.

Expect pictures folks.

Oh... I did a burlesque dance dressed as Velma Dinkley last night on main stage at a gay club.  It was an accident.  I was signed up to for the best costume awards- but it turns out it was mixed with a dance off- so I figured 'what the hell'.  So that happened.  Life tip: do these crazy things before you die.  It was a huge hit and I got all the cute girls after :p

And people wonder why I don't paint much these days ;)

PAX roundup

Well PAX is done for 2016, and it was fantastic.  Welcome to those of you joining this blog for the first time- was great meeting you!

My next event is CANCON 2017- I shall be around in some form or another (probably a solid, maybe a liquid).

It was wonderful being a judge, picking the top fifteen minis of the show.  So inspiring seeing hundreds of versions of the same figures- people are very creative.  Turelio and myself will be stealing some ideas for our versions!

I walked away with a warband of mushroom men, a spider demon queen, Orcus (in memory of Jack), a tardis, cybermonkey, lizardman, elf rogues, familliars, stone golem and some pathfinder figures.

 My new official Pathfinder society figure is an elf rogue.  So knives!  Very sneaky!  Much acrobats!  Wow!  She will be boosted firmly up the paint queue.  She kicked much ass in a near TPK con game!

So nice to reconnect to my hobby after being so down.  Thanks everyone for all the positive energy!

PAX lizardman

So much fun at PAXaus!  This little Reptus spearman is my speed paint at the Reaper Paint and Take table- using just the basic starter paint set and a shitty communal brush!  Photographed infront of Aetherworks lovely little dioramas.  More to come.  :)

And because when you woke up today you really needed to see Velma Dinkley drawing a draaaaaagon with a texta on a sheet.  Jinkies!

PAX AUS DAY 1

Come and visit the Reaper mini area and paint and take a mini!

Behold!  Me and Turelio's sorting skillz, and the bane of my poor, poor kneecaps. One wall of mini goodness!

Oh and I tweeted a penis joke and Realer retweeted it.  Today is a good day.

PAX AUS

If you are at PAXaus Melbourne this weekend, come say hello to me!  I will be cosplaying Velma Dinkley tomorrow and helping out at the Reaper Miniatures painting tables, the Reaper Bones shop and judging some of the painting competitions!

I had the absolute obsessive compulsive joy today of arranging and mounting all the Reaper Bones blisters on the pegs.  Rather than using the item codes- which are pretty random, me and Turelio (https://m.facebook.com/TureliosHobbyHoard/) sorted them by race and class- so all the dungeon monster where together, all the undead, all the lizardmen etc.  it's gonna get messed up ten minutes after you 'orrible lot get your hands on them - but right now it is gorgeously sane.

I wish reaper color coded their blisters or subtly tinted the bones material per type- (all humans slight pink, orcs brown, goblins green, dark elf purple, scenery grey-etc) to help sort stuff and make them easier to simply play unpainted dnd with- but hey, the new off white and harder boens plastsic is SUCH a huge improvement I shall only gripe a little.  They are doing good.

Okay, so look for a 5'10" Velma from Scooby Doo with a painbrush, swearing like a sailor and you will probably either have found me or the woman I really need to marry.

And yes, gonna buy me some more Reaper to paint and put here!

Fru-eets of the de-veeel

Jack Chick ran out of hit points.

World gains +2 bonus to INT and SAN.

Hey folks,

  Due to ill health I have closed Darkling Games.  Outstanding orders have been refunded.

Two weeks off

I just got out of hospital and am in Canberra recovering.  I won't go into details but basically I needed a place to recover for a week so I caught the red eye down to Canberra.  My mum has been pumping tea into me (just what an English woman requires for recovery) and I have been catching up with my adorable son Toby.

The upshot is I am spending most of my time sleeping, have not been checking my mails at all and have no ability to post out Darkling Dwerg boxes or art until I recover and am back at my desk next week.  My apologies for any delays with orders.

Back at my post next week.

Miss Lead

I was just informed my work has cancelled my teaching contract due to me being unable to work with bronchitis.  It's been over two months now, so whilst understandable, it does come at a very bad time.  I just got out of hospital yesterday and jumped on a eight hour coach to stay with my mum whilst I recover.

I thought I would share some of my fantasy design and illustration work in this blog.  I will have to focus on this side of things to raise funds.  Anyone want some Oldhammer inspired original pencils?

Enjoy!

Millijuice

Milliput is a highly underrated product these days.  I love it like I love A-Ha, which means occasionally when it is needed.  And boy is a little A-ha needed now and again.

Milliput is a two part putty that sets concrete hard, so can be drilled and sanded.  You can actually mix it into greenstuff and procreate to make them set harder and let you carve and sand them.  It's good stuff.  

Unless it causes you severe skin irritation.  Which may happen.  Sucks for you.  Buy gloves.

Milliput excels in filling hard minis (not Reaper Bones- it will crack).

Milliput dissolves in water, so a moist brush smooths it into cracks, and it is made up of fine particles, so it doesn't get that slight lip that greenstuff does when you use it as a filler.  A few little balls rammed into the offending hole, a couple of smooth brush strokes and voila!

Milli-juicing is where you dissolves the putty into a thick milk, that can be brushed onto a model to fill surface imperfections.  Once set, you can polish the mini with fine wet and dry paper to get a silky smooth finish.

It's great for fixing bad mold lines too.

Mix a ball, poke a hole in it, put a little water in it and stir with a cocktail stick until you get a paste.  Dip in a brush you hate, because this will destroy it, and brush away!

Remember this will fill in details, so light brush loads, and a few coats is best.

Oh, I am converting this dude into the 90's cartoon version.

Millijuice is also a great glue for making a surface tacky so that thin greenstuff details can be added.  Just skip the polishing bit.

Use this knowledge for evil, people.

Scott needs a bit more filing and polishing to rid him of his costume piping and then a polish to make his costume smooth and it's onto adding the hair and utility belts.

Child of Slaanesh: being an intersex wargamer

I want to get serious here for a moment and post something very important to me.

Death threats and erasure

I deleted and edited some of my previous posts because I was receiving scary threatening emails, and I needed to minimize my exposure to knuckle dragging sickos.

The main one that I removed was my official coming out to my fans, where I explained that I wasn't actually male, that I was born intersex and had started hormone replacement therapy.

I realise now that it was a mistake to delete those posts.  One bunch of dumb-as-shit assholes threatening my life did not outweigh the hundreds of wonderful supportive comments I received, and most importantly, the one fan of my blog whose life it deeply effected.  A reader explained to me that thanks to my post, when his daughter came out as transgender a few weeks later, he was armed with the information he needed to understand her and get her the help she desperately needed.  <3.

Foolishly, I allowed fear to get in the way.  I started on the right track, challenging war gamer's transphobia on Frothers, addressing homophobia and sexism and kicked off the 'paint it purple day' painting challenge to help educate people.  But the horrors in my own life combined with the threatening emails downed me.

 I am going to stand up again and own it.

Blogger will not allow me to reinstate those edits in the correct dates as far as I can tell.  Therefore I will shortly reformat the post as permanent page people can link to.

Iatrogeny what-a-ma-thingie?

Okay, for those of you who missed all this stuff, here is the gist:

I am an Iatrogenic intersex person.

Intersex refers to anyone who does not fit the medical definitions of male and female, but fall somewhere between the two.  We come in many, many varieties, with variations occuring in sex chromosomes, internal and/or external reproductive organs, hormone levels, secondary sex characteristics and so forth.  Basically, humans are very complex.  Our sex is not absolutely male/female- but we come in shades.  I am a shade (possibly an ink wash or glaze).
Iatrogenic means 'caused by treatment' aka 'someone fucked up'.  I was made intersex by an anti miscarriage medication (Diethystilbestrol- a synthetic estrogen) given to my mother whilst I was rockin' out in the womb.  I started developing as a boy, but by second trimester I was flooded with synthetic estrogen- so from that point onwards I developed as a girl.
Many intersex people, like myself, appear to be one sex externally when born.  Many of us find out when we hit puberty, have surgery or like me, try to have children.  Some of us are revealed to be intersex only in our autopsy.

Me at nineteen- androgynous, confused and suicidal

When I was diagnosed, my whole life suddenly made sense.  Why I was androgynous, why I had no adam's apple, why I couldn't grow a beard, why lesbians would get confused around me, (and why I preferred dating them to straight girls), why I had menopause like symptoms, why I so violently reacted to mysogyny and why no matter how many times I tried to understand masculinity by reading and rereading Stephen Biddulph books- it just made no freaking sense to me whatsoever.

However, when I was diagnosed, my whole life not only made sense, it fell apart spectacularly.

Long time followers of this blog will have seen me battling with depression over a secret 'condition', become sick and finally recovering quickly after I started HRT.  I came out after that, and announced I was changing my name to Delaney and using female pronouns now.  Before long, my marriage ended, I became homeless, I was in hospital with a suicide attempt, was rescued by a women's refuge programme, found a job in Melbourne and rebooted my life thanks to you all donating to my gofund me. (Thank you <3). And then the threats started coming in.

If you want to watch a brilliant documentary on intersex science

Transgender as well?

Intersex people can identify as male, female, neither, both or as intersex.  I identify as female.  This isn't a choice.  Let me explain...

Because brains develop in third trimester when I was bathed in female hormones, it constructed itself with the hardwired assumption it would be running a female body.  We call this gender identity.  It cannot be 'corrected' because it is actually correct already- it would be impossible to regrow that brain structure, in the same way you cannot regrow a tree trunk but keep all the branches in the same postion.  I have a bad case of girl-brain.

Because my gender identity is hard coded female, but doctors (incorrectly) assigned me male- well that by definition makes me transgender.

I could not survive the crushing gender dysphoria (an extreme unhappiness with one's incorrectly assigned gender).  Few people can.  The suicide rate for sufferers is (just counting children and teens getting treatment alone) around 48% just by the age of 20- though in reality it is much higher.  Yes folks, young children kill themselves.  That is how bad it feels.  Being transgender is not a joke, it's quite life threatening even before you encounter the dangerous assholes you meet who haven't got a clue what a sex chromosome actually does and refuse to read books.

Regenerating

Hormone replacement therapy is true magic.  Your cells actually don't know what sex they are supposed to be- hormones lock onto receptors on the cell and activate male or female codes DNA sequences.  You literally regenerate into a different person hidden within your genome!  It's like being a timelord in slow motion.

HRT is magic: features softened with an extra fat layer, shifted muscle mass, atrophied jaw muscles, soft skin, fatter lips... And weirdly I now look a LOT like my sister.  Oh, plus a fringe that I really should do something about- that isn't HRT, that is being a miss lazy bum

It's been several years since I started replacing my old cells with fresh female ones.  By this stage there isn't a speck of me you can look at that is male.  Not a hair on my head, a cell of my skin, a freckle on my face.  Sure, my bones will take five more years to cycle, but meh- everything else is great.  I look, feel and even smell female (I can even get away with wearing a trade show t shirt two days in a row and smell fresh as a daisy :p).  I no longer 'sweat', I 'glow'.  ;)

Life now

These days, I go about my life as a regular Jane.  People call me 'miss' or 'ma'am', I use female toilets and changing rooms and no one bats an eye, I pay more for haircuts (dammit) and old ladies ask me if I have found a nice husband yet (no.  Thanks.).  None of my clothes have fucking pockets and it shits me to tears.

Oh and those confused lesbians I used to fancy?  Well now I date lesbians.  I identify as a lesbian (though if you look like Tom Hiddleston or Alexander Skaarsgard- rowr... Clearly I am not THAT gay).

I am a welcome and valid member in feminist groups.  And I even lived for twelve weeks in women's only refuge when my life fell apart.   I went through IVF as a lesbian couple and had nurses trying to remove me from the hospital until they realized I was actually the spouse and biological parent.  And I am now a mother to a beautiful son.

In other words, my life is a woman's life.

That said, I will always be intersex and transgender.  And I refuse to deny that fact.  It isn't something I had any choice over.  But it is something I am willing to risk my life over.

To wrap this section up, I just want to remind you that I use female pronouns (she, her, bitch) and legally use the title Ms (mizz).  My passport says female, my medical details say female and I had to have a doctor confirm this to get a letter to get those.  So suck it up, fuzzball, I am a chick.

Slaanesh and wargaming intersex

Games workshop has literally demonized my kind for decades now in the form of the Slaanesh Chaos faction.  Slaves to Darkness is packed full of 'hermaphrodite' references and the wonderful Tony Ackland made some pretty cool illustrations that do not depict hermaphrodites but actually what we call 'gynandromorphs'- creatures that are half male and half female- literally split down the middle.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gynandromorphism

Humans, incidentally, cannot be hermaphrodites.  Scientifically speaking, 'Hermaphrodite' means an organism that can reproduce as both male and female during it's life.  Frogs and Snails and Fish can do this... but humans are mammals- our hormones fight each other for dominance, so we can be intersex and some of us can reproduce as one sex- but never hermaphrodites.  Sorry, I know for some of you this will make Slaves to Darkness grate on your precise, syntactically correct minds.  :P

Jes Goodwin sculpts a chaos gynandromorph (not a hermaphrodite) one boob and a bulge oh how we laughed- at the time.  Of course it isn't very funny to me now.

Look, I actually love Slaanesh and collect all the models because I find them smoothly familiar, and also very sex positive.  I approve of removing hermaphrodite references but keeping the sex positive stuff.  Also, as I have demonstrated with SCIENCE- everything GW ever wrote is incorrect...  Though we *do* have lobster claws and an insatiable draw to chaos... but we are not hermaphrodites and gynandromorphs.

I will leave you with a lovely gynandromorphic Minotaur Tony Ackland drew.  God, I adore this man's work!  He is the pencil master.

 Thank you for listening, and we will return to normal service shortly with miniature painting.